Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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