She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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