Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my phone needs a breathalizer
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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