I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
