so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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