Do vagina's smell?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
