This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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