I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
