I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His hands were made for my vagina.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
