I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
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