idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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