I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Randomize
