i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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