At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
