my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
