Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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