I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
