There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
