why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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