Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
