Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
