I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
