I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
