smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I want her autograph on my taint
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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