Will you blow on my dice?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize