I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
