I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
