Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you traded sex for a burrito?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
