saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
