Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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