RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
