I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He better not be in your backpack
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
