drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
