Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
