i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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