how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I understand Curling. That high.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
