i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will pee on everything he values.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She has the best kind of daddy issues
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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