hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
