I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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