We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Still dying that you shit outside
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
