sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
