somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Less talking, more tequila
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
