Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he shaved USA in his pubs
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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