God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
