I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
how drunk are you?
Several
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
