the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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