he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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