Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
