It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
