It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
