if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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