At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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