If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
