You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
