Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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