And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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