The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
