and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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