one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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