I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize