I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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