would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
