thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
