In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
