Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
