some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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