omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
