Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
