She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize