OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize