He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
