Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
