how hairy? two words: wookie tits
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
