I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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